So, you’ve done everything right. You’ve home-schooled for years, surrounded your kids with the love of Christ, and after years of careful tending – your semi-adult child rebels. And not a little rebellion – we’re talking major rebellion. I’m not referring to the sullen eight year old who refuses to finish his math paper – what is on the table here is the child who morally rebels, and may even leave home. Can this happen in a Christian home school? Yes. Rarely, but it does happen.
Every person born in the world has the potential for rebellion within them. One only needs to hear that first NO! out of a toddler’s mouth to believe it. This is natural rebellion as a result of the fall of man that every parent must quell in their child, or the infant terrible will grow into an intolerable human being. But is teenage rebellion “natural?” Homeschool parents become defensive when overly helpful outsiders promise them, and none too kindly, that their teenagers are going to put them through hell. Is teenage rebellion inevitable?
To answer that question, we must address what causes it.
- Attention starvation – Ok, you have three younger children that need 100% supervision. Your 15 year old doesn’t need that much from you – right? Wrong. The teenager that is “acting out” is actually “crying out for attention.”
- Too much criticism from you– NEVER publicly chasten your teen. Bear in mind that teasing can be taken as mocking, and it is very, very painful. And please have a tender heart for other people’s teenagers.
- Be informed – Always make every effort to be fully informed before you make a judgement on something. Often kids are so fearful of disappointing their parents they will compound what they have done by attempting to conceal it.
- Making assumptions – Both teens and their parents make assumptions about each others’ motivations. And they are usually wrong!
- The Golden Child – This is a toughie. It very frequently happens in multi-child households that one of them will seem “golden” to the other kids. They don’t seem to get disciplined, their grades are wondrous, they are talented, everyone loves them! Every person on this earth, including your “un-golden” child has something they can do well. Make it a priority to dig for that “gold.”
Alright, you did all that and you still have a rebel. What now? Cling to the Word of God like a life preserver in a stormy sea, and heed this promise:
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 (This Proverb does not guarantee that your children will be saved. Salvation is an individual choice that every person must make. The Proverb does, however, assure us that what we teach our children regarding character stays with them – even through rebellion.)
True story time –
A conservative family with seven children, all raised the in the same fashion, had one child that chose the world. After twelve years of homeschool and careful nurturing, the unsuspecting parents were greeted by a note and an empty bed one morning. Their 18 1/2 year old daughter had simply moved out in the middle of the night.
In her note she said she wanted to “see the world.” For these parents, it was almost like a death. For the first time in her life, the parents did not know where she was. They did not know who had helped transport her, either. All of her clothing had been taken, so it was clear she had moved out.
This experience was so terrifying for the parents, they called the prayer chain, and began fasting and praying with all of their being. Days passed, then weeks, then months. Then years. Not a word. The toll on the mother’s health was drastic. They acted hopeful around each other, but inwardly carried it like a ten ton weight.
The one day, out of the blue, the daughter returned home. She was a broken person. She no longer had that sparkle in her eye they all loved. She looked more like a hunted animal. And – she was four months pregnant. But – she was penitent! She came into the home, and in front of the entire family, got down on her knees and begged forgiveness from her parents, saying that she had already asked the Lord for forgiveness. And, those blessed, weary parents embraced that child with all the love they could muster, praising God and giving thanks for her safe return.
Did they reprimand her? No, because they could see that she had already “paid the piper” several times over, and bore scars that would last a life time. The purpose of this story, is to know that there is restoration for the rebel and their families. With God – all things are possible.
I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
Luke 15: 7
If you are coping with a prodigal, try not to give way to consuming fear – it is not the Lord’s will that we live in fear – even for our children. I have counseled women who are completely overtaken with thinking and fretting about their children. Jesus must be our all-in-all, not our children.
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6: 4
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